Most reality shows now a days tend to be highly superficial, annoying as hell, and flat out ridiculous. So I was highly skeptical when I sat down to watch the new Comedy Central show Reality Bites Back. It turned out to be a solid investment. Literally almost every minute of Reality Bites Back was laugh out loud funny.

Hosted by Micheal Ian Black, who is better known for his commentary on various VH1 shows, Reality Bites Back is a brilliant rip off of every popular reality show. Basically the premise is consolidating eight shows into one. And in the first episode they mock the so called hit Big Brother.

The contestants are all stand up comics, which makes the commentary ackward, well worded, and down right hilarious. But the thing that makes Reality Bites Back better than every reality show was the challenges. If the first two challenges are just the beginning, then this show is going places I might be scared to see.

For the first challenge the comedians had to walk into a dark room and attempt to seduce someone for a one night stand. What they didn’t know is that the people they were trying to pick up were their parents. Naturally when the lights came on, and the comics saw their mom or dad, their reaction was priceless.

To make things a little more strange, the second challenge was kinda like the game Newlyweds. The comedians and parents had to see how well they know each other, and if they got the wrong answer they were out. The questions included how many drinks does it take for the comic to get drunk, their preference of drug, and worst of all, whether or not the comedians had ever seen their parents doing the dirty. When the results differed between comic and parent, it providied hilarity at the comics expense.

Just like any other reality show, there is a winner of the challenges who in turn has to make a partial decision of who’s going home. The comic who won the challenges had to pick two people, and then the parents had to vote on who went home. I’m not going to ruin it though.

I’m definitely going to follow Reality Bites Back throughout the season. If the other episodes are like the first one it can only get better. But I do see the show taking turns into disgusting challenges. Overall it was funny, and I’m already looking forward to next weeks episode.

I already know what you’re thinking. Really? Your first review is Doug Benson’s Super High Me? You’re one of those degenerate, unemployed douche bags who lives off a trust fund and spends more time high than productive, huh? Let me assure you that I am. But even the unwise to pot smoking individual can learn a thing or two from Super High Me.

The premise is along the same line of Super Size Me by Morgan Spurlock. Spurlock ate McDonalds for thirty days and got tests run on him while doing it. Doug Benson took the same approach with a catch. He had to quit smoking for thirty days and have tests run on him. Then the next thirty days Benson would smoke around the clock and have the same tests run on him while high.

The tests actually surprised me to an extent. One of them was a psyhic test, in which Benson had to guess the shape on a card he couldn’t see. When Benson was sober, he only got one of twenty five right. But when high, Benson managed to get seven of them right. Pot heads=Psyhics?

According to the results, pot actually made him smarter as well. While on his thirty days of soberity, Doug took the S.A.T. test and scored himself a 970. When he took the test nicely toasted, he got a 1030. Not much of a difference in terms of overall IQ, but it does make me wonder. Maybe Benson was made to smoke pot and do stand up for a living.

Naturally the film was shot in California, mostly because of the states liberal views on marijuana. And the film does a good job by informing the otherwise uncaring folk. It goes deep into the medical marijuana world. How it started, how it’s evolved, the stuggle between state and federal agencies over it, and most importantly, where to get it. Super High Me explains it all.

If your a fan of Doug Benson, Super High Me is worth checking out. It has something for everybody. Wanna laugh? There’s random tapings of comedy shows he does along with the project. And with too many guest appearances to name, I’m sure you’ll find at least three or four comedians mixed in that you like. Don’t have a sense of humor? Absorb the edumacation.

I’m constantly making my case on why midgets should become my butlers, but those little bastards know I’ll treat them like crap. It’s at the top of my policy called the Midgets for Slaves Act of 1982. That’s right people. I came out of the womb with it in my hand. Those nine months of growing in a small space provided enough time for me to compose it, and it’s a genuine piece of legislation. Congress, I suggest you get on board. The last thing you want is me having to come up there and filibuster, because I can go on forever. Especially if I bring a case of whiskey to anger my blood more than it already is.

The Midgets for Slaves act doesn’t require any new taxes. In fact, it’s a non pork barrel spending bill. How’s that for making a change in Washington? Screw universal health care and the other typical political party talking points. We need midgets cleaning our toilets and sweeping our floors. Besides the obvious reason of not having to do anything, midgets are sure to provide us with extreme hilarity while they do the work we dread.

Some money will be needed for this project. I know, it’s supposed to be free right? Well try telling your new small servant that all of his/her work isn’t going to be compensated. I’m pretty sure without proper protection that these little, angry individuals will take a shot at your junk. So go out and by a cup. It’ll pay for itself after one day, and that’s a guarantee.

You’ll need a nice place for them to sleep. This problem comes with a cheap, if at no cost solution. If you have a sock drawer you’re already set. If not, visit a local thrift shop. This will also come in handy if you desire to buy clothes for your new little work bee. What better way to enjoy mass hilarity? A midget who cleans for free, while wearing old school concert tees that date back to the 70’s sounds great to me.

Be sure to feed your little fella. He/she isn’t going to be as productive without proper nutrition. Plus, you can probably just make a bigger ration of what you’re going to eat and break off the food you know you’re not going to finish. Keeping them healthy is essential to you living an apathetic lifestyle. As far as security is concerned, you’re on your own. Just be sure he/she has no access to the outside world. The last thing you need is a bunch of pissed off Gary Colemans revolting against the establishment.

My proposition is going to be met with some extreme dissent. Sure, it may not go along the guidelines of either political party, but nonetheless it’s a brilliant idea if you ask me. So if this goes through like I hope, use the following guidelines above. Your midget and you should be just fine.

Texas is my home. I’ve had my issues with the state, but I’ve come to realize that home is what you make of it. Sure, there are stereotypes when it comes to a lot of things. Whether it the ever so infamous argument that I have a horse, the irritating question of if I still live in the Wild West and have shoot outs over card games, or the arrogant bullshit inquiry of why I’m not wearing a cowboy hat, it’s where I live and it’s where I’ll be till I die. So I thought I might represent my state by claiming superiority when it comes down to our sports teams. Yeah I know, my argument doesn’t hold much merit. But I have arrogant proof to back it up.

My state has good teams, mostly in sports I care about only if the team makes the playoffs, but that’s not my quarrel. What’s my dispute? Texas has better teams in not only performance, but also in name. We have representing teams of Texas like the Texas Rangers, Dallas Mavericks, Houston Texans, San Antonio Spurs, Dallas Cowboys, Houston Astros, Dallas Stars, Houston Rockets, and the Houston Aeros. Yes I had to name them all.

Every team I just named has something to do with our history. Look it up if you don’t believe me. Other states like California like to name their teams after Disney films. Teams like the Anaheim Mighty Ducks and the Anaheim Angels make me question the sexuality of their owners. What’s Disney’s deal here? Don’t they have enough money from making kids movies that have innuendoes in almost everyone of them? Stick to what your good at Disney, making countless amounts of parents suffer while their kids enjoy movies they’ll later regret liking.

States should really think about what they call their teams. Minnesota is a perfect example. Now I’ve never been to Minnesota, but I’m pretty sure the state isn’t wild, which their hockey team claims. Nor do I think of Vikings, which somehow Minnesota thought it would be a good name for their football team. All I can think when it comes to that state is the embarrassment of Jessie Ventura being governor at one point and how funny their accents are. Minn-ee-sotta!

As for the states that don’t have any professional teams, be glad you don’t. You wouldn’t want a team called the Idaho Potatoes or the Montana whatever it is your good at. So stop complaining and move to a state with a respectable name. Whatever you do, don’t move to California or Minnesota. You’ll be subject to mass ridicule even more than I already think of your place of origin.

Aside from the eight month summer I endure here, Texas has a lot of qualities besides my sports team’s names. The people down here are a coin flip when it comes to their attitude, our “authentic” Mexican food is awesome, and the pride in the state is beyond anything I’ve ever seen. I’ll say it once again, and this statement never grows old. Texas man, you gotta be here to understand it, and yes, King of the Hill does represent a certain part of the population. That’ll be the only plug I’ll ever give you other states.

The following message was approved by Geoff Jimminey. No funds were needed, just a vast space of free time.