There are a lot of people in America today. That’s why each week, The Panda Page breaks down the anonymity of our great country for newborns and immigrants with a series called, A Field Guide to the People of America.

Last week, we examined the PETA. But this week, we meet the Bill O’Reilly (No-Spinus Zoneus).

1. Description

The Bill O’Reilly is renowned the world over for his pale skin, extended forehead, and America-loving smirk [pictured in Fig 1.1].

Other common traits of the Bill O’Reilly include a heavily make-uped turkey gobbler, a knowing eye that’s looking out for you, tasteful suit, and expressive hand gestures [illustrated in Fig 1.2 below]

2. Habitat

When the Bill O’Reilly is not in the No Spin Zone, it can be found in Fox News studios and on children’s bookshelves [see Fig 2.1].

3. Hobbies

The Bill O’Reilly mostly enjoys having common sense and being right [see Fig 3.1 below]

Among its other hobbies include hating the French, pissing off Keith Olbermann, and criticizing popular political figures [pictured in Fig 3.2].

The Bill O’Reilly is also known, on occasion, to tell people how they should live their lives [Bill O’Reilly’s opinion is demonstrated in a drawing in Fig 3.3].

When the Bill O’Reilly isn’t doing any of these things, it can be found eating Freedom fries, having phone sex with female employees, and waving his finger in disgust [see Fig 3.4]

4. How to Approach Him

Now that you’ve met the Bill O’Reilly, don’t be a stranger. But be warned when approaching it- the Bill O’Reilly will mostly likely believe you have a leftist mainstream media agenda. So be sure to mention your blood-thirst hatred for the French and Michael Moore.

5. Fun Facts

The Bill O’Reilly can find the worst in anyone on the planet [see Fig 5.1 below].

Ha, this is great. I am not a fan of Mr. O’reilly, or the leprechaun as Savage calls him, and the original video made me laugh enough. But believe me, this is much funnier.

We all know Bill O’Reilly isn’t the friendliest of people, but he’s fun to watch. He’s like a moving time bomb, waiting to explode at even the most minor of things. And his camera crew got the best of it back when Bill was on Inside Edition.