Well, citizens, it appears that our Presidential Nominees have finally chosen their running mates.   May I suggest we take a brief pause and think about this for a second, or two.  Now may I suggest that the old cliché “you don’t know what ya’ got till it’s gone” actually has more meaning than we ever originally imagined?  I’m not one for conspiracy theories, but why don’t they just crown Obama the Captain of the U.S.S. enterprise now and save months of future embarrassment that McCain’s Staff of Advisors are about to make.

So the economies in the dumper, oil’s up and the dollars down.  There are a few less jobs to be dealt, more mouths to be fed and the next four years are predicted to get worse.  So let’s blame Bush… or someone, but definitely a Republican.  It actually amazes me that we would even find another Republican to run in this rat race, and what surprises me even more, is that McCain was actually AHEAD in the polls!  

…Until now of course.  The truth of the matter is that the Republicans couldn’t believe it themselves!  Who would ever want to be the fall-guy for the next four years??  That’s crazy, no matter what anyone does, how much better can things really get?  They know this.  They’re smart people (they say).  But there’s a method to their madness for running in this Presidential race of course, but it goes far beyond anything we common laymen are privy to knowing.  When things really started heating up and looking really good for a McCain victory, the Republican party finally started waving the white flag and said, “fuck it, I guess the only way we can lose this thing is to choose a running mate that nobody ever heard of before.”  And Beavis joined in and said, “Yea, yea, from some state in East Bumblefuck that no ones ever even been to!”  Good idea, “But where?”  They sat around, rubbed their chins, and ripped open dozens of Castrol motor oil containers pouring them onto their Persian carpets, until finally someone said…

“Alaska!”  McCain, in the middle of a flashback, came- to and replied, “Eureka!”  But it wasn’t McCain who recommended Sarah Palin, it was one his advisors who said, “When I was John Edwards advisor we would travel quite often to Alaska and he started banging this local girl there involved in politics.  Her husband was never around because he was some big-wig that worked for BP Energy out there.  This chicks our perfect scape-goat to get out of this thing!  She’s anti-environment, pro-life, and a prominent feminist.  She admits she’s smoked a shit load of pot, and is the mother of five children, and the fifth one has downs!”  Finally McCain chimed back in and said, “How do you know so much about this woman?”  And his advisor said, “Well, John Edward’s told me the fifth child was mine.”