1. You buy brand new pre-ripped, pre-grass stained, $150 designer jeans from a top retail outlet, drive your $35,000 Ford Explorer to a party or bar, then bum cigarettes and beer all night "cause your broke."

2. Within 10 Minutes of meeting someone new, you mention the ivy league school you attended for a semester (or once passed in a car.) Make sure to throw in how much smarter you were than your professors. Your open-mind & creativity didn’t fit in. It wasn’t that your actually droolin’ stupid.

3. Your name is John Whatever "The Third", and you introduce yourself as such. No body gives a fuck how many John’s there were in your incest-filled upper class bloodline, fucko.

4. You insist on pronouncing certain words, "the proper way,"  opposed to the universally accepted pronociactions. Yes, we are very impressed that you took an college equivalency course at your local highschool, but the emphasis in advertisement is on the "tise", you prick. It’s not adVERtisment.

5. You declared war on Iraq, foolishly missed opportunities to kill Bin Laden, and tarnished our name in the World…..then your Bill Clinton. Ha. You were expecting a Bush joke. Sucker.