The Responsible Left, the same group that brought you "Imminent Danger" brings you this well thought out, non-bias, fact-driven report, on the best ways the debate those on the (facist) right.

1. First, it is always important to make sure you’re talking louder and more often then the tool from the right you are debating. Ideas and factual support should not be considered. Volume and Pitch are what is important.

2. Make sure you let the person your debating know that you think they are childish and stupid for even considering said argument. Be sure to pepper in sighs and eye-rolls whenever your opponent is speaking. Let the audience know your opponent is literally laughable. [Make sure to audibly laugh, LOUD, about the opponents position.]

3. If you are asked a question that could possibly defeat your argument, immediately call them a racist. They probably are anyway.

4. When provided with facts, claim that they are forgeries, and part of a conspiracy. Make sure to name George Bush, and at-least one major corporation [preferably in the oil sector] in order to come up with a truly believable conspiracy. It lends it more credibility.

5. If the little Eichman you are debating somehow calls you out on a specific policy or behavior, get defensive immediately. Accuse them of being a tool for the bush administration, even if that has absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand.

6. For the most part, we on the responsible left do not want to hear ANYTHING that a close-minded republican has to say. So, to limit my run-ins & debates with these non-tolerant Neanderthals, I try to stay out of fascist breeding grounds like steakhouses and banks. I stick to whole-food stores & parasailing lessons.

7. The most important thing to remember is that every right-winger is a soul-less racist, and you must remind them of this constantly. Whenever one of these "people" defeats you in the arena of ideas, go straight for personal attacks. It’s what George Washington would have wanted.

8. Unfortunately, sometimes you will come across a minority that, believe it or not, is NOT a liberal. These are the worst kind of right-wingers. You have to show them that it is not OK to be different. You must infer that these people are traitors to their race and have been led astray by the evil republicans. Since most of these right-wingers have been brainwashed by the George Bush regime, in cooperation with the uncle-tom Alberto Gonzalez, this may prove to be your most stubborn opponent.

9. Make sure when talking about your ideas and policies, to describe them in wildly vague terms, that could be taken to mean just about anything. This way later, when the political winds change, you can say that the new position was your position the whole time! Remember, vague niceties equal votes.

10. The most important debate method of the responsible left is talking down to your opponent. Remember, if they are a right-winger, they have no idea what they are talking about. You are clearly smarter and more informed, and your body language, the words you choose, and your tone should reflect your superiority. They have not gone through the trouble, like you have, to preach to the choir day in and day out, honing your wonderfully diverse debating skills. They have not tirelessly read through Jon Stewart’s latest textbook, for virtually minutes at a time. Their tiny brains cannot wrap their racism-filled minds around the tolerance we are attempting to preach.

If you do somehow happen to lose a debate to one of these Chevy-drivers, contact the ACLU and discuss litigation. If they won a debate, they most likely defamed your once-great name with falsehoods and slander. And remember, you will be supported by the public. Everyone respects and admires time-consuming personal litigation.