I’ve always wondered how different countries translate their language into English. Knowing a little bit of Spanish, which I hate to admit, I know that sometimes the words just don’t go back and forth so easily. Muy bien, which we all know is Spanish as very good, is also used in those pesky All employees must wash their hands thoroughly before turning to work signs. Apparently muy bien can also be used as thoroughly. Fine, but that’s merely a pebble when it comes down to how the Chinese translate their language into ours. It’s better known as, drum roll please, Chinglish!

If you were to tell me this was a reality before I saw this video, I would have pointed and laughed at you until you cried or tried to hurt me. But it’s true, and the Chinese government is trying to fix it to “impress” us when we send our finest athletes over there to stomp them like a fortune cookie. Your clever insight won’t win you any gold medals China, just so you know.

I don’t want our men and women to be told to slip carefully, or be scared when they think an ATM is a robotic Jack Kevorkian. That’s not cool China. We here in America do our best to be sympathetic to all cultures, including yours. The least you could do is translate your language into proper English. That way we won’t have to worry about what we just ordered off your restaurants menus. If Kung Pow Chicken really translates into salted crap then I’m never eating Chinese food again.

Enough of the blatant signs China. If I want someone to tell me some demeaning shit I’ll ask for it. And let this be a notice. I’m going to be checking up on your little project from time to time. If I so as see one more thing that translates into something telling me to hurt myself, it’s on. And I don’t mean starting a fight with some random Chinese person in America. Most of them are really smart and know some form of martial art, or really dumb and handy with a firearm. I’m going to pick up the Chinese language and see what interesting shit I can come up with. Then again, probably not, I’ll resort back to my apathetic ways which I practice very well.

Yup, it’s definitely interesting to explore the concept of translation in other countries. I must admit it was extremely hilarious to see all those signs, but do your part and fix. Need I remind you folks that we here in America have explored the concept preemptive strike? For now it’s the signs, but later it will be your oil. We’ll see you at the Olympics. That is unless we boycott them.