There are a lot of people in America today. That’s why each week, The Panda Page breaks down the anonymity of our great country with a new series called, A Field Guide to the People of America.

Last week, we met the Homeless. But this week, we examine White People Who Act Black, or Wegroes (Blackus Pretendus).

1. Description

The Wegro can be easily spotted for wearing expensive designer jeans that are a minimum of 40 full sizes too big for them, so that they drag on the ground like the train of a wedding gown [see Fig 1.1]

You’ll also recognize a Wegro for his over-sized shirt made by FUBU [pictured in Fig 1.2]

In addition to the FUBU shirt, the Wegro is known universally for his angry sneer learned from years of mirror practicing, and chrome grill paid for by their parents’ cosmetic dental plan [illustrated in Fig 1.3 below]

Other common traits of the Wegro include tattooes featuring tributes to fallen rappers or slogans of their favorite rapper (i.e. "thug life"), over-priced sneakers made in a sweatshop by an underage Chinese boy who made 2 cents a day to help the Wegro fit in with their materialistic social circles, and hats worn backwards or to the side (representing the most successful sports team at the moment).

2. Location

When Wegroes aren’t in their parents’ living room watching BET, they can be found in any suburb of America that surrounds an inner city [see picture 2.1]

3. Hobbies

Wegroes have many hobbies, among which include listening to hip hop, being hated by blacks for making a mockery of their culture, being despised by whites for trying to be something that they can never be, smoking pot, being the bi-products of a cultural crossover, and flashing gang signs of gangs they’ve not/never belonged to [see Fig 3.1].

Other hobbies of the Wegro are objectifying women, glorifying violence, mouth-breathing, having unprotected sex, and having Dr. Dre write and produce their songs so they can both make millions off the white-dominated Hip Hop audience [pictured below in Fig 3.2].

4. How to Approach Them Now that you’ve seen who they are, why not say “Hi” when you see a Wegro? Although, a warning: the Wegro does not like to be approached. At first he might say, “Yo bitch, I’ma blow you" or "Step off, yo! I’ma f*** ya sista without rubbers. Word." So be sure to wear something by Enyce or a New York Yankees hat, and definitely talk about how great Tupac Shakur was. The Wegro will then grip your hand and pull you into his chest. You’re now brothers. It’s one of their many friendly gestures. 

5. Notable White People Who Act Black Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, and Insane Clown Posse