There are a lot of people in America today. That’s why each week, The Panda Page breaks down the anonymity of our great country with a new series called, A Field Guide to the People of America.

Last week, we examined the College Revolutionary. But this week, we meet Indie kids. More specifically, the Hipster species (Totalus Conformistus).

So let’s get to know them, shall we?

1. What They Look Like

The Hipster can be most easily identified for their distinctive hairstyle, Bed Head. Which consists of not washing their hair, or sleeping in positions that allow the cowlicks on their heads to look fashionably unwashed [pictured in Fig 1.1].

Hipsters can also be identified for having 2% body fat [illustrated in Fig 1.2].

Other common traits of the Hipster include having a star tattooed on the inside of their wrist, growing an ironic mustache, wearing a too-small sweater, multi-colored 70’s ski-vest, a high school sports T-shirt, Nixon-era Chuck Taylors, chunky plastic-frame glasses, and air-tight black girls jeans [seen below in Fig 1.3].

2. Where To Find Them

When the Hipster is not writing indie music reviews or posting up nightlife pictures of themselves, they can be seen living in Austin Texas, Portland Oregon, San Francisco, Los Angeles (Silver Lake), Wicker Park Chicago, and Williamsburg Brooklyn [pictured in Fig 2.1].

Other locations to spot Hipsters include coffee shops, the South-by-Southwest Music festival, and in the Art, Philosophy, or English courses at liberal arts colleges.

3. Hobbies

Among the most popular hobbies of Hipsters include being ironic, scoffing at anything mainstream, judging people on their musical tastes, having their parents pay their rent, frequently using the term “post-modern”, reading Nylon magazine, drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon, carrying a shoulder-strap messenger bag, and shopping at thrift stores [shown in Fig 3.1].

4. Approaching Them in the Wild

Now that you’ve met the Hipsters, why not say “Hi” every once in a while? You can usually find them on Pitchfork, so be on the look out. But be warned, upon first meeting, Hipsters are likely to mock you for being mainstream or for liking a band that they were in to 10 years ago.

So it’s important for you to at least wear something from American Apparel or Urban Outfitters upon approaching a Hipster. But once you’ve done that, they’re generally nice people.

But most of all, have fun!